escapism

escapism |iˈskāpˌizəm|

noun

the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, esp. by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy.

matatawag mo bang escapism ang pagpapakamatay? binabalita sa radyo ngayon na nagpakamatay si former sec. angelo reyes, nagbaril diumano sa dibdib, habang nasa loyola memorial, sa harapan ng libingan ng nanay nya.

***

i have slightly mixed thoughts sa pagpapakamatay ni sec reyes. marami na ding naglalabasan na kuro-kuro, teorya, haka-haka, etc.

on one hand, why suicide? it’s not, and will never be, a fashionable way to escape things. guilt primarily.

on the other hand, he might not be guilty at all, but he just can’t stand the pressure and stress and all the accusations.

but then again, why resort to suicide?

maybe he has written a suicide note somewhere. a confession or something.

maybe that was a noble act on his part (which really isn’t).

maybe he just really wants to escape.

but why escape?

***

i write as a means of escape. escape from sadness, from depression, from negativity. i write to escape into a world where i am always the bida.

for some, however, escape is death. angie reyes probably chose death as a means of escape.

but do you really get to escape when you rob yourself of life?

robbery is a crime. more so if you rob yourself of your own life.

it isn’t just you who pays. everyone else around you does.

and the crime lingers for so long, even long after your body decays and joins the earth.

it gets ‘un-earthed’ once somebody looks into it again.

so you never escaped at all.

i escape through writing, but i won’t mind if my escape gets discovered. it reveals my true self, yes, even if i may have opted to hide it in the first place.

escaping through death – everything else will chase after you.

 

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